Hello everyone! Well, what a marvelous week we have had here at the Home for the Unemployed! Each day seems to bring new and
hilarious exciting drama possibilities! I want you all to know that in the dilligent search for gainful employment, there are a multitude of pathways to travel!
And, am I traveling them!
Okay – in an effort to keep you, dear readers, amused. I will share with you my “Most Wonderful Adventure” from yesterday!
So, in the State Of Michigan’s unbelievable wisdom – they are determined to find me a “career” not just a job. Thank goodness they are not trying to find me an adventure – I don’t think the army would be a good choice for a woman of my years! But, they are trying to find me a “career”.
So, in order to help me find this new career, they had me take an “Interest Profiler Test”. They explained that if I know what my interests are, I would be more successful in finding a career that matches those interests.
Now, this is an online test – so imagine me sitting in a room with other unemployed
idiots people like myself!
I have to tell you – I truly felt like I was in middle school during the process. I had flash backs when the “instructor” began reading each page out loud to us. Obviously, the unemployed are unable to read. This must be a skill that is reserved for the working world alone. Who knew. I must have missed that page on my termination paper – “… and you hereby give up the right to read comprehensively with your termination of employment.” Yeah, well… I am just saying.
And, then the fun began.
So, I have a test that is not a test with 180 questions that will help me determine what my “interests” are. They asked me great questions, just brilliant I am telling you. And, there was not a knitting/fiber question in the lot. But, they did ask me if I wanted to chop down trees in a forest. They asked me if I wanted to lube cars. They asked me if I wanted to balance spread sheets. They asked me if I wanted to climb mountains. They asked me if I wanted to haul cargo in a semi-truck. They asked me if I liked music.
Are you seeing a pattern here?
Well, I answered the 180 questions and the outcome was quite
Drum roll please…. (ba-dum-dum-dum-dum-dummmmm)
job career for me is – Composer, Musician, Instrumental! Okay, that is just fabulous. Did I miss the question about could I play an instrument? I swear there was no question about playing an instrument. Does being a ringer in the bell choir count???? Somehow, I am positive that being a “ding-a-ling” does not a musician make!
Okay.. moving on the #9 career option – Choreographer, dancer. What???? Okay, now I know for SURE that there was NOT one question regarding dancing on the entire darn test. NOT one. Must be if you say you do not want to haul cargo in a semi – you are interested in dancing. Never mind that I have 2 left feet… Fred Astaire, you don’t have to worry about your day job.
Let’s see if #8 is any better…. Creative writer, poet, lyricist, copy writer, cartoonist, caption writer. Okay, I don’t think I can make any money with my blog. Could someone call their publicist and let them know that this was my #8 choice…. thanks! Keep this career aspiration in mind all of you bloggers out there, the next caption contest I enter, I should win based on the stupidity of this career option!
Okay, surely #7 must be better, right — Producer. Of what? I don’t know. I have produced 3 children, does that count? I am not sure what good that will do me – last time I checked, they did not pay moms for child production!
Well, #6 is not much better – Editor. Hmmm, that might have possibilities. I am calling the Holland Sentinel to let them know that I will be happy to take a position editing their paper. I surely cannot do worse that the editing they have currently!
And, #5 Film and Video Editor. Huh? I can barely get my photos uploaded to Flickr. Ummm, did they see the “female” tab checked. Hello, how can I edit film and video if I cannot set my VCR timer?????
#4 Music Arranger and Orchestrator/Singer. Huh, see #10. And, while I sing in the choir – I do so under the guidance of “make a joyful NOISE to the Lord”. Thank you very much.
#3 Interpreter/Translator. Ummmm, I know I have a multi-lingual daughter, but me… not so much. I could translate that I cannot speak spanish, does that count????
#2 Actor. Yes, you read that right -ACTOR. Ummmm, you have got to be kidding me. Seriously – I am paying taxes for this kind of help for the VAST number of unemployed Michiganders!?! Yeah, could I have a job, oh I mean career, that I could actually earn a living?????
Okay… are you ready for the #1 “Career” for me????? Holy cow, people, I am sure you can barely stand the suspense! I know I could not….
And, the #1 career choice for me is …… Radio/Television Announcer or Broadcast News Announcer/Analyst. People, I know, I was stunned. And, if you think I am stunned – how stunned do you think that Brian Williams will be when I call him to let him know! And, what about Katie Couric – she’ll move right over and let me in, don’t you think??? Hey, maybe I can call NPR – I am a member after all, and I can tell them that since I have been such a good member all these years it is time for them to return the favor – and I will be happy to take over the morning spot for Renee Montagne. I am sure they will get right on that.
Yeah…. my thoughts exactly.
Is it Christmas yet?