It has been quite a weekend here at Casa Del KatKnits, Gentle Readers and Monday dawned with great promise – or at least the thrill of knowing the weekend was over and something different was on the horizon, right?
Alas, not so – the best laid plans of Kat and life jumped off the track.
First off, I need to take a few moments to honor a woman that, while she was not great, she was an awesome grandmother to my three kidlets and she shared with me a vexation for the ineptitude of her only son. Yes, my mother-in-law passed on to her well-earned rest on Saturday. The first time I met Marjorie was for the Christensen Thanksgiving Extravaganza. God rest her soul, my poor mother-in-law could not cook to save her life, and save for The Most Amazing and Incredible Sloppy Joe’s I have evah tasted! She loved me dearly and I got the recipe! This was truly a blessing; it made my home the favored place for all my kids’ friends to come whenever I made them!
However, I digress, the Thanksgiving Extravaganza was something my then significant other begged and pleaded with me to go. On bended knee he wooed me away from the bosom of my family on this most eaterly of holidays and I swear, my brain must have been oxygen deprived or maybe it was the stupidity insertions, anyway – I agreed.
I was met at the door by The Great Gordone and Tiny But Mighty Marge with open arms and the remainder of the holiday was spent with Marge begging me to deter her son from going out and cavorting with all his friends and staying home a night or two with them. In an effort to appease both the Dimwit and Marge, I put the two of them together in a room, shut the door, and left. Yeah, it was not wildly successful – but at least Marge stopped putting me in the middle!
Therefore, I begin offering my assistance for any prep work for the Extravaganza, right. I mean, at my family the cooking begins a week in advance and the day before there was always a flurry of activity in my Dear and Sainted Nana’s kitchen. I was no slouch and wanted to help where I could! It was at this point I learned that there was nothing to get ready – the meal consisted of instant potatoes, Stove Top Stuffing (not even in the bird), canned Ocean Spray Cranberry gelatinous substance – the gravy would be prepared after the Turkey Incineration had happened. If you could have heard my stomach shriek, if you could have felt my soul shrivel up and die knowing it was going to miss the Nirvana of Feasts (all home prepared, no box anything at my Nana’s house). I thought for sure that I would have to be hospitalized because of the shock! The meal was truly the worst tasting thing I had ever had. I should have ditched now, but as stupidity was my strong suit, I did not fold the hand and played it out. One of the blessings of that union, besides Frick, Frack, and Paddywhack was Marjorie. I remember the day she and Gordon asked me to call them mom and dad, it was an incredible moment. I remember the Engagement Party to End All Engagement Parties when she told me that she would be a model Mother-In-Law and she would wear beige and keep her mouth shut. I found her adorable, she was 4’11” and never kept her mouth shut – nor was beige her color; she was so much larger than life!
The Great Gordone and Marge the Mighty were married for 68 years and Gordon went on to Valhalla twelve short weeks ago. Missing her Gordon terribly – she joined him in perfect rest on Saturday. I shall miss her greatly as will her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Therefore, that brings me, and you, to Monday and my not so brilliant thought that the mourning of the weekend was over and that a new morning had begun.
That was my first mistake, oh boy! One thing that Gordon and Marge did was to fill a void that my parents had left unfilled. Fortunately, I had two terrific grandfathers and one hell of a Nana. They are all long gone now and I am left with my parents, such as they are. I love them dearly but only in small doses. In addition, I got a good dose of my father today – he called to ask about his “all perfect, incredibly intelligent, and amazing grandchildren” and the conversation started out on a little catch up on all that is Frick, Frack, and Paddywhack. Which then progressed into how our nation was going to ‘hell in a hand basket’? I have plenty of practice biting my tongue with my dad, and bite it I did today! Then came THE question, how is Ex #2 – do you ever talk to him, how is he doing, gosh I miss him. To which I replied, no dad, Ex #2 has not called in several weeks now – he has a new girlfriend and I think he is doing just great.
I was not quick enough to change the subject because he immediately launched into where was boyfriend #who knows what but that last one you had. I tell my dad, I have no clue, but I am sure I could find his number if you want to call and ask him.
I know, I should have just said he was great right. Okay, remember that stupidity thing from a few paragraphs up… yeah, Stupidity Strikes occasionally – even when you try to avoid it!
Then, the REAL reason for the call began – I am a Loser Magnet, yes – you read that here first!! My Not So Sainted Father began to tell me I should Get Me to a Nunnery and Run, Woman. I am that much of a loser, however not being Roman Catholic, I am not sure they will take me even if I wanted to go! It is a miracle that I managed to produce three such charming children!
Being blessed with an abundance of moxie and the ability to laugh in the face of even your dad telling you what a loser you are – Dad, it is a good thing I did not need you to be in a good mood today! In addition, in perfect Dadness, he did not get it at all.
After he hung up on me, I laughed all the way home, one large smile on my face and thoughts of Marge in my heart.
Rest In Peace Mom.