Or rather, what is left of my mind.

I found this several weeks ago on a friends blog. So, here are those questions, with my attempt at semi-witty answers! Please feel free to use this on your blog as well!

Let’s hear it for more Useless and Trivial Knowledge… things you never knew you wanted to know about yours truly!

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Boy, I can only choose one? Actually, I’d like to blow up bigotry first and then maybe I would not need to blow any people up!

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Wipe out? Really? I am a firm believer in freedom of expression and likewise my freedom to not listen to that which I find offensive.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Suffice it to say, yes….there is someone whom I would like to punch. They, however, shall remain nameless. The element of surprise and all, you know!

4. What is your favorite cheese?

I have yet to meet a cheese I don’t like…from Roquefort to Cheddar. However, I am exceedingly partial to Champignon Brie with Mushrooms.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Hands down, a Reuben. Oy.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

If there were such a thing as “no strings attached” sex, then I guess my choice would be George Clooney or perhaps Sean Connery, yum.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Again, in the realm of impossible and totally implausible at one point in my life I would have picked Mick Jagger, however, the years have not been kind to him, IMHO. Conversely, they have continued to improve Tony Bennett like a fine wine. He would be my hands down choice. Oh. My.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Wow, what a day…seriously, two different people in a row? Continuing on the path of impossible I suppose the utterly hedonistic thing to do would be to schedule a massage with the Jedi Master Massage Therapist. STAT.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Choices, choices! I would pick, hands down, Edinburgh Scotland. One way. Oh, yeah.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Take a taxi from the airport and head to the nearest pub to buy a round thanks to the Gods of Good Fortune!

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

Okay, truly Guinness – but when in Edinburgh, do as the Edinburghians do – a bit of Glenmorangie, neat please!

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Great Britain in the 1200’s works for me! I love me some medieval history!

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Wait, I am on an island…hmmmm. How about the men don’t wear trousers and put them all in kilts! Yeah, seems perfect to me!

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

Create a show? How can one improve on the perfection that was the I Love Lucy Show… I mean really, a funny redhead who is married to a Hot Cuban Musician… and she was always in trouble. I have red hair and have perfected the art of “always being in trouble”, all I need is the Latin Lover! Just leave a note in the comments if you want to schedule an audition!

15.What is your favorite curse word?

Seriously, I drop the “f-bomb” far too often.

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Mummies? Okay… maybe that container of Ben and Jerry’s was not such a great idea before bed!

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?

Just one? Boy. This is tough. I guess it would have to be a quilt that my Great-great Aunt Eleanor made for my grandparents wedding.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Just 30 short minutes? Well, what I would want to do and what I could actually get done in 30 minutes are two different stories. What I probably should do would be to start my confession because that would definitely buy me some more time!

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

This one is just hysterical, seriously! And, as such, I have to give rein to those crazy dreams in which I can fly. That would be so damned convenient!

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

This one is easy… I would pick thirty minutes in my nana’s kitchen, cooking with her. If I close my eyes and inhale, I can almost smell something cooking.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

If I erased something, I might not be the person I am today. I am a firm believer that what we have gone through makes us what we are today. Perhaps it would be better to seek out a solution for those things that I keep doing over and over and over again.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?

What?!? I am getting kicked out of Scotland? That totally sucks! Maybe I should have picked “Vulcan Mind Control” as my super power and worked my wily was on whatever asshat is kicking me out!

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

Banned from bars? Really? Not that I am some rampant drinker who frequents bars with any great regularity, but I suppose my choice would be The Cape Cod Room in the Drake Hotel in Chicago. They make the best martini I have ever tasted, plus I could toss down a few oysters while I am sipping. Who wants to join me?!

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?

Wait, I picked flying! And, I’d probably go see my BFF and show off my fancy flying skills.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Staying with the theme of this Meme, I would select Ms. Lucille Ball… how fun to spend time talking with her!

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Well, as I do believe in the “celestial” beyond I am not sure that I would want to bring a loved one back from that perfection, however I would love to be able to talk to my nana again.

27. What’s your theme song?

How about if you Take Five and Peel Me A Grape and then you can Love Me Like A Man.

And this brings us to the end of this edition of Monday Meme… thanks to Citizen Janey for sharing this gem a few weeks ago. Happy Monday all!

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