Some twenty-seven odd years ago, my life changed drastically and this weekend the Object of that Change is arriving to visit.
The past weeks have almost had a surreal quality and I truly cannot quite believe that the very thing that I always hoped for, but never believed would happen is coming to fruition this weekend.
I have vacillated between moments of incredible joy to tear filled fear as the day has drawn closer.
What is this monumental occasion that has my world turned upside down, you ask? Gentle reader, the daughter I released for adoption just over 27 years ago is coming for a visit.
On my doorstep.
To say I am a wreck would be a huge understatement.
She is bringing her mother and her godmother with her for this visit.
Now, the question – who do I hug first?
I have always had a policy with my kids that they could tell me anything and without fear of repercussions. A safe place to share thoughts, ideas, things they had done, had not done, or had done horribly wrong. I have never had my kids tell me anything that truly ever upset me, and the conversations that have sprung from them sharing with me have been invaluable to me as a parent. They teach me volumes on so many levels, I have enjoyed tremendously watching them gain critical thinking skills, and in watching them as they are learning to think through whatever the issue, question, or concern is.
I grew up in a house in which I could share nothing with my parents, and I wanted it to be different for my children – they do not share with their dad the things they share with me – so I hope I have achieved my goal.
However, a couple of weekends ago my son shared with me something that disturbed me greatly. It took all my skills to bite my tongue and not “be the parent” and come down on him for what he shared with me. He shared with me that he was using chewing tobacco at school, evidently, his roommate has this lovely habit, and my son was participating in this vile habit – and has been for some time. My instinct was to immediately tell him how vile I thought it was, how foolish I felt he was in making this choice, and then to share with him all the horrors of mouth/throat cancer! Yes, my reaction was the antithesis of what the purpose of the “open door policy” was all about.
There was some conversation and somehow I managed to strangle the “Crazy Woman” that was simmering beneath the surface and simply shared with him that I was disappointed in his choice, and I asked him if Bria knew what he was doing. That stopped him in his tracks – he had not told her. This spurred further conversation on why he had not told her and what that meant. It was truly an eye opening experience for me – I have no clue why I asked about Bria, but I am thankful that I did not quell the question. Our conversation ended with me telling him how much I loved him.
Therefore, scroll forward to this weekend – Sam was home again and on Friday night after he had come home from taking the Darling Bria out to a movie. I have a rule that the kids have to wake me up when they get home – and so Sam woke me and the conversation that unfolded was truly amazing. I was paid tenfold for biting my tongue and just listening to the earlier conversation. We lay in bed together and what he shared with me brought great joy to this mother’s heart! Evidently, Darling Bria has strong feelings about tobacco use! Can I tell you how much I love this girl? Well, after this weekend, I love her even more! I am so happy that I did not open my mouth with my “parental advice” because the voice of young love is was just what Sam needed to hear! As he shared with me he was not using “chew” any longer because Bria would not kiss him if he did! A lovely conversation ensued and Sam shared with me that he is trying to help his roommate quit “chew.”
Some days it really pays to keep your mouth shut when the door is open…
Twenty-six years ago, I released a child for adoption. I trusted faithfully that my choice was the right one, and my faith was not in vain.
As you are all aware, this daughter found me last summer and we have stepped forward together on a new path ever since.
This daughter sent me a lovely email for Thanksgiving and I would like to share this excerpt with you all:
“It’s the night before Thanksgiving and I was really wondering what you were going to be doing and hoped that you and your kids will be having a great holiday. I wanted to let you know what I am thankful for since I won’t be with you to tell you. I am thankful for God and the beautiful family that he gave me, for my health, and the health of those I love. Also for helping me find you it has been a long time coming and I am very thankful for that.”
I can tell you simply and truly, Gentle Reader, I am humbled by her beautiful words and can only tell you that I am so undeserving of them. The blessings that this child has poured upon me are sweet and most incredible.
On top of that, Frick and I have struggled in our relationship for some time now, and yesterday I spent time with her and it felt like old times between us – so much so when I called her by her nickname, her face lit up and she crawled in my lap. There was no way to stop the tears from leaking from my eyes as I sat holding her.
When you least expect it, your children do things that you never hoped for nor imagined would ever happen.
It is the unexpected blessings that I am most thankful for…
Also, I need to give a shout out to our two contest winners!! Congratulations to Biddy and Beverly!!
Autumn has most certainly arrived here in West Michigan and it brings with it changing leaves, changing skies, and Home Coming!
Yes, I know.. maybe I need to get Heidi fitted with sackcloth and ashes. I wish I had the foresight to have snapped a photo of the look on her dad’s face when he saw Heidi’s date get out of the car, priceless I am telling you!! So, later that evening when she and Jordan were over laughing and carrying on and Holly Hop came up (Holly Hop is when the girls and the boys – aka Sadie Hawkins) and the girls say they are going to ask “gangster boys”. Give me strength. That is all I am saying!!
I lost the heat wars last week as well. With the temperature inside registering in the 40’s I caved and turned on the heat!! It was on and off just as quickly – we have warmed up this week nicely! But, we have had several hard frosts overnight that have covered the ground with an icing of white!
For the enquiring mind, I did have surgery on Monday. And, I am on the road to recovery. It is a slow and somewhat rocky road. A big bump occured yesterday when I had to remove my pain pump. As long as I don’t move my arm, I am not in too much pain. And the medication is most certainly befuddling my brain. I did give it the college try and went sans pain meds until about 2PM today when I had to throw in the towel before I threw up! Yeah, there is a lovely picture, eh? Anyways, I am back to my medicated haze.
I have attempted a bit of knitting.. and can manage a row or two before utter exhaustion sets in. Spinning is not even on the horizon yet.
I am off to seek out sleep in the middle of the day. Color my world quiet!
There are days when I wonder why I even bother to make my bed. Let me present my case to you, gentle reader, follow along with me as I ramble on about this and the many and varied thoughts that fill my brain. I promise that by the end of this post, you too will believe that I have latent ADD tendencies!
So, I have these dogs. A matched set, so it were. Him and Her. Copper and Penny. Truly the Yin and Yang of doghood! What Copper is, Penny is not. Yet, they love each other dearly. For some time now Copper, who is more than a kilo or two over weight, cannot drag his carcass off the floor level to sleep in my bed. At the end of the day, the ritual is for me to ask him if he is ready for bed. He wags his tail and waits patiently for me to hoist him off the floor to the waiting soft bed. Penny has already been there for some time by now. She gets in bed and moves to the choice spot when I begin my bedtime ritual. So, this has long been the rite of passage for the evening for a good long time. However, sometime between my waking and my leaving the house I make the bed for the day. Granted, this is not always done. But, on the most part it is. Today, in a meager attempt to find fodder for this blog, I decided to share with you why making the bed is an exercise in futility with Penny in the house. Her entire day revolves around “unmaking” the bed. Yes, that is right – she digs the covers back. Pushes pillows around until she finds the perfect spot. And, then this is what she does, for as long as she is able.
Thus, you can see my dilemma. Who could tell her no? I rest my case. Copper, on the other hand spent the day snoring away under the bed sleeping. No picture attempted, there was not enough light!
About 2 weeks ago, I shared with you that Heidi turned 18. Yes, I now just have one minor child left and count me blessed as they are all good kids, for the most part anyways! Heidi, however, has a quick mind and rapier sharp wit. She is a daughter after my own heart! Suffice it to say, she tries for the shock factor and it tests my parental skills daily to not show my shock!! Fortunately, her father gives her the shock value she needs to keep her attempts with me just below a fevered pitch! All I can say is thank God for Clairol, because only my hairdresser knows how much grey hair these kids have put on my poor head! Here is the birthday girl with her best friend, who calls me her “other mother”, Jordan.
Heidi is on your left, Jordan is on the right. Heidi is still wearing her sling from her shoulder surgery in August. But, this should be off this week. Keep your fingers crossed!! Senioritis has not set in, for which I am eternally grateful! It looks to be a lovely year for her. Happy Birthday, Heidi. I could celebrate all year with you!!
Sam is enjoying school as well. And, he has a very steady girlfriend – Brea, whom I love and adore. However, Sam came home last weekend with a hickey on his neck. So, as the boy and I are talking, I ask about said mark on his neck. To which he replies, “don’ worry, I did that shaving”. And, he tries to change the subject. Being the mother, and female (I know, convenient isn’t it???) I adeptly steered the conversation back to this mark and announce how convenient it was that this ‘razor burn’ looked exactly like a hickey!! Sam, being male and young (convenient again, I assure you!) says, “no, I swear. It happened shaving!” I will just have you know that appropriately timed laughter has saved me as a mother on more than one occasion and I am happy to share that it did not fail me this time. Once I started laughing, so did Sam and the conversation that followed was good for me and I hope good for him. Brea and Sam were over the other night and after an obvious inspection of their necks prior to leaving for a movie. The motto of “No Sucking Marks” has been adopted! Sam laughed riotously, Brea blushed and giggled. As they were leaving, I heard Sam say to her, “I told you Brea, my mom is funny”.
Funny or not, I love them all dearly. I have been learning some new things, meeting some new people, and thoroughly enjoying my life. I hope you all are in a similarly situated place. All be it, just not in such an ADD scattered brain as mine!! Have a great remainder of the week all!
Or, why are there only 24 hours in a day?
It seems to me that when a person works 12 hour days that their day’s off should be a bit longer than 24 hours!
Here I am, on my day off, and I find myself doing laundry, cleaning the house (don’t have a panic attack, gentle readers – just surface cleaning is going on here), getting something ready to take to Sandy and Bud’s tonight for dinner, and I am about to leave to watch #2 daughter play in her tennis match at school. I have done little to no knitting (soon to be remedied at the tennis match), no spinning, not one fun thing! If you could see my bloglines – I don’t think I will be caught up ever!
Thus why I think that day’s off should be MUCH longer than 24 hours!
Tomorrow will be one LONG day. Work 12 hours and then I will be making a beeline to see/hear #2 daughter at her spring concert. If I sit in the back do you think anyone will notice that I am in my work clothes??? There will be no time to change – the concert starts at 8PM – I should arrive moments before the start. Oy.
Alright all, I am off to see my tennis pro! Have a good evening all!