I am joining Honoré again this month to share an update on my word.
Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen Hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is. — Mary Anne Radmacher
September was such a hard month. And that sentence is such a damned understatement, but I honestly have no words for how hard it was for me – even with a weekend away!
I thought that I was a pretty good manager of stress… oh boy. September showed me how I am managing nothing, and it is managing me, and it has been all along, if I am being completely honest with myself. Maybe I was just better at ignoring it.
One would think that 8 months into this insanity, I would be used to the mind-numbing sameness of the days. However, the reality is that 8 months in to this pandemic the “fake it till you make it” well has finally run dry. Instead September woke me to the malady known as cabin fever. Foolishly, I would have sworn I had experienced it before being snowed in a time or two, but no… being snowed in for a day or two, or maybe even a week ain’t got nothin’ on Pandemic Cabin Fever.
The things I can choose these days are not the things I want to choose, that is for damned sure! And so in September I chose to be absent from lots of things. Which, in light of my very bad attitude, is probably the smartest decision I made all month.
I would love to share with you that while I wallowed in the Sea of Self-Pity that I had some epiphanal moments resulting in a dramatic change of attitude. Nope, but what I did learn was that it was okay to not feel good. To not feel happy.
And that is okay.
You can see all of my Intentional Journey here.
Sometimes . . . we need to be intentional about giving ourselves a break. It’s okay to pull back and be absent when we need to be. XO
I think if you’re not experiencing cabin fever, not angry at people who won’t wear masks, not mad about the lack of choices available to responsible people, not furious at the administration and the whole horrible mess of it, and not heartbroken over not being able to see our kids, then you’re not paying attention. And sometimes the only way to deal with all of it at once is to withdraw and not pay attention. It is okay and the only way I know to stay sane.
Yup, it is ok to feel bad/angry/frustrated/sad. That’s life. And pulling back and being absent is often the right choice. Hoping that October is a bit better for you Kat. Do take care.
I was just talking about this with a friend who had, simply, a shitty September. And that sometimes not trying to make it better is the only way out. Not embrace, necessarily, though I’m sure that would be great and effective and all. But not trying to change it, at least. Nodding to it. I want to thank you for your candor, because I often revert to thinking Others have it ‘easier’ in this pandemic…that they’re pursuing things like fluency in second or third languages or the like while I’m…Not. Because so much of my life right now is a magnification of tripping over other people’s stuff in my house, both literally & figuratively. (Which is probably why Savoring *moments* has served me in a way I hadn’t expected last January. It’s a word that allows me to appreciate the smallest nugget, b/c some days that’s all I’ve got). So–thank you for the way you show up, in both plenty and scarcity.
On top of the COVID stress, I find that the closer we get to the election the more I feel a panic in the pit of my stomach. I hope, hope, hope we can oust this current administration but so many confusing stories and disinformation is bombarding us daily. We have to hang in there but, you are right, it gets disheartening and discouraging. Stay safe, stay strong! Vote blue!
I am a fan of the school of “fake it until you make it”, but I understand that even that has its limits. Fake it until you make it assumes that, at some point in the not-too-distant future, you WILL make it.
I think I am dealing with pandemic stress and then, Wham! it hits me. It IS ok to wallow in self-pity for a while, as long as it doesn’t become a way of life. So feel bad, rest, then find your bootstraps, and hope yourself out of the funk!
my stress levels have been through the roof as well. I wish I could make you feel better but I guess I can say, you are not along.
It has been a hard month, and I’m proud of you for realizing that not feeling okay in response to it is acceptable. We don’t have to like it, but the anger and frustration and anxiety and depression are all valid feelings right now. And I really hope that in a little more than a month, we’ll have a good reason to feel some hope and optimism.
Hang in there, my friend, and embrace the feelings.
I can’t help but think that it’s related to that surge capacity stuff that I’ve read and also heard Brene Brown talk about on her podcast. You hit your capacity and that’s okay. For me I find that acknowledging my struggle is often a huge release. I hope that’s the case for you now that you’ve written about this and shared it with us.
I’m a firm advocate for pulling back and sitting with your feelings. All of the previous commenters have already said it: this is hard. It’s okay to be sad, mad, confused, and all of those things that we try so hard to avoid. It takes courage to acknowledge those feelings and write about them. Despite its difficulty, we’re learning so much from this pandemic. Sometimes it’s hard to identify the lesson, but we’re all learning something. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself!
about all I can offer is affirmation … I hope you can find comfort knowing you are not alone in how you’re feeling! hugs!
You are so right-those feelings are yours and OKAY!
I agree with others and especially Bonny. If we aren’t upset or stressed or feeling angry or or or then we aren’t paying attention. Some days I hum along and some days I don’t. However we feel from moment to moment is ok. Hugs to you.