The “January Thaw” has been more like the “January Revolving Door” in my neighborhood… wintery-mix-rain-repeat. Proof of this weird weather is evident with this: I have Snowdrops that with 5 minutes of sunshine will likely bloom today (I will be watching to get a photo!) and the chives are coming up in my garden. Apparently they are the Harbingers of No Winter Here!
But it’s been a week… at least for me, and of course… I have thoughts!
Remembering —
David Crosby, still. Yes, there was a tear or ten shed. I really liked him… and had newfound love for him because of his tweets. My all time favorite album, Wind on the Water, contains my all time favorite song: Carry Me. It is hope that he is now reunited with his mother and they are singing together. If you want to spend a little time reminiscing with his music… you will find 10 excellent songs here.
Irritate, Inflame, Irk —
As in what every doctor should try not to do with any patient…ever! Yes, it has been a few days since I visited “the new doctor” and I am happy to say that I have moved past the tears, depression, and anger rage phases. (Although, it took a minute, some incredibly supportive texts from a dear friend, and a new gnome to move past it all…) I begin today with a game plan… which may or may not include said physician. But I wanted to take a minute to talk about being your own best health care advocate because let’s face it… I think there are WAY more physicians like the one I saw on Monday and very few like my much loved and often longed for physician from Holland! I am saying this as a reminder to myself because I am a great advocate for others, but somehow don’t feel that I am worthy of the same treatment. The best advice I got in my Days of Moping was this… remember the doctor works for you! I have been approaching “finding a physician” similarly to how I felt about Dr. DePree in Holland… there was a camaraderie between us. We had children the same age, who went to school together, we served on committees together, we occasionally bumped into each other socially. In short, I have been wanting to find a physician that I liked… and who liked me as well. Silly me… this person works for me, he or she does not have to like me. But they do have to treat me with respect, they have to listen (more than they talk), and yes… I can demand that they not look at me and pull out their canned speech for “aging, fat, women” of diet, drink more water, and exercise. I should have stopped him in the midst of this diatribe, but I was hurt and stunned that this was even happening. He never asked me what I like to be called, he never used my name… once. But… as I said at the beginning of this… I have a game plan to move forward. I had about eleventy billion vials of blood drawn this morning and when those results are back, I am going to make another appointment with the Nurse Practitioner and I will talk with her about my hip pain issues (and perhaps even my blood test results, lol) and if that turns out to be as epic a fail as the physicians appointment… then I will be back at square one, finding a new physician. But maybe, just maybe… I will find that the NP will be as lovely as Dr. DePree is and find that this office will work just fine (and never, ever see that damned doctor again! LOL)
Finding —
My way with my new word. It has had some hiccups… because, of course it has, right? But in the midst of wondering why on earth I picked this word… I have had at least one thing happen each day that reinforces this word. The best one this week was a poem read by the new host of The Slowdown. (You can listen to Major Jackson share his thoughts and read the poem here) I wrote these lines from Paul Laurence Dunbar’s poem The Mask in my journal:
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
Finally Finished —
Yesterday I had a BIG FINISH! I spun all the yarn the “Great Sweater Spin” and yesterday I gave it a nice spa treatment, a good bit of thwacking, and then hung up all my skeins to dry. And the yarn turned out beautifully! So beautifully!
One big ‘ole pile of yarn!
This afternoon my plan is to wind up one of the “smaller skeins” and start swatching to find a fabric I like. Once I have done that, I will pick a pattern… which absolutely is the best way to knit a sweater. Find a yarn you like, knit with said yarn to find the fabric you like, measure the gauge of that swatch and then find a pattern that matches your gauge!
And with that, I say… Let The Weekend Begin! See you all back here on Monday with my Bumpy Start with my Word update! Happy Weekend all!
Finding a doctor that you can relate to and one that relates back is way too hard, especially when you need a specialist. I hope the NP works out and that you can find some relief.
Your spun yarn is beautiful. I’m looking forward to seeing what pattern you pick.
Love the shade of the yarn you spun Kat and I cannot wait to see what you create with it! I agree with Dee, it is very HARD to find a doctor you like and with whom you are comfortable. Fletch and I see the same PCP, but I have switched to seeing her NP instead. The NP is more personable (to me) and I find the doctor a bit abrupt. Fletch likes her and I think she is good…just I relate better to the NP. Good luck to you!! I’m rooting for you. Our temps are warming (again this weekend), but then we are back to chilliness and I am hoping some snow. I want one good storm this winter!
The UK is short of GPs, and of course are free to visit, so we aren’t customers, and you feel lucky to even see one. However we do , well most of us , have to pay for a dentist, and frankly my visit today was brutal. It felt rushed and hurt. I actually stopped her. Thinking I need a new dental practice. You have my sympathy. That yarn is utterly gorgeous. Can’t wait to see the next stage.
Sending you all the best wishes for finding a practitioner where there is mutual respect. I have had the same kind of thing happen – a new to me male physician who gave me that dreaded speech. I felt so ashamed, but also angry. Did he think I don’t know that I’m aging and fat?! This is not news to me, but let’s talk about my health. I now see the NP in the office and she is a bit better, but still not great. I hope you find your way with your word and the journey is a good one. That yarn is gorgeous and I look forward to your swatching, pattern-choosing, and knitting process. Have a good weekend!
It is really hard to find a good doctor, especially as a woman. I will only see female doctors now (at least for a GP and a gynecologist), and I have had good luck with nurse practitioners. I get that doctors today do have a lot of demands on their time, but that’s no excuse for not even talking to you like a person!
On the flip side, your yarn is absolutely gorgeous! I fully endorse your plan to swatch until you get a fabric you want and then find the right sweater for it. It’ll be amazing, I have no doubt.
Oh, David Crosby. Sigh. CSNY . . . one of my top favorite bands of all time. I’ve been so sad — and listening to all the songs on repeat. (I saw them in concert THREE times; such a treat!) (Neil was only with them one of those times; we’ve seen him by himself multiple times, too.) As for your doctor . . . it sounds like you’re ready to implement your new plan. AND . . . it sounds like you’re set to be your own best advocate, which is really the only way for us. Let’s hope for something at least a little closer to Dr. DePree. (Fingers crossed.) XO (And that yarn! So gorgeous.) XO
The yarn is so pretty. I love that soft shade of green. I hope the swatching goes smoothly. You are absolutely correct, the doctor works for you. I have found that PAs and NPs tend to spend more time with me. And of course, we do have to advocate for ourselves. I think that is hard in a doctor’s office.
I feel you on the doctor issues. My previous doctor was a family friend and it was SO easy to go there and feel respected and understood. My current doctor doesn’t blame everything on weight but she still talks about how I should be on the Mediterranean diet, and when I told her I was working with an intuitive eating specialist and body image coach she asked me how much weight I had lost. I told her that wasn’t the point and she said, well, give it time. Sigh. I hope your blood test results are all in the normal ranges!!
Oh Kat, I know how you feel about the doctor search. I MISS my doctors from where I used to live and the ease of scheduling and getting intervention in a timely manner. I have a family doctor that I am building a relationship with and it’s hard. Fingers are crossed the NP is the ONE for you 🙂