In this there is no measuring with time, a year doesn’t matter, and ten years are nothing. – Rilke
I started this month in one place, ended entirely in another and time is the enemy in each space.
July has always been a rough month for me… and this year was no exception. When I was a child this was the month that boredom would begin to creep in and as a child growing up with absolutely no AC, the heat of the long summer days fed that boredom. July: the month of extremes… and this year, July decided to Extreme on Steroids, as it were. Hot, long, dragging days. And dry… so dry… the lack of rain is a harsh master. I really wanted this July to not be one where I was having Visions of Autumn dancing in my head… and while they were not constant… they were there.
And if I somehow thought that those long, hot days dragged by… well, the end of the month showed that even time that feels like it is inching along can be brought to a complete standstill.
So what is there to learn about days on end that feel like time stands still…when you don’t want it to stand still at all.
- I know that I cannot escape the “time standing still” moments… but instead of fighting with them, I have tried to savor the still space by nurturing myself. I have read so much poetry in the past days… poems that have filled that “time standing still” space. [And perhaps, the poet gods have even pre-planned for me… I discovered The Sealey Challenge (thanks to Abram Vanningen and Joanne Diaz’ latest podcast) and I am loving the idea! Fortunately, I have a healthy stack of poetry books to get me started.]
- It is okay to be sad and to sit quietly with that sadness.
- It is okay to feel a sense of emptiness and that things around you are not quite right.
Prior me would have pushed away all these things and slapped a smile on my face and told myself to “get over it all” and I am so thankful that all the prior years words have shown me that right now it is okay for time to stand still… it will move again when I am ready for it to.
As always, but most especially this month… I am so grateful to Carolyn for gathering us all together and providing a space for us to share.
I will see you all back here on Wednesday.
I have been praying for you and your heart. Feeling feelings is so hard to do and yet when done without resistance ends up healing us from the inside out.
Poetry can be soothing when you need that and can also help you feel joy more fully. I’m glad you are reading it in those “time standing still” moments. August is the summer month I often feel I have to get through, so I’m going to do my own modified Sealey Challenge and read some poetry every day in August. ( A book a day is a bit too much for me!)
Reading and rereading here, your July brings to mind ‘There’s no way out but through.’ And I’m so glad, for you, that we turn the calendar page soon. While it won’t change anything overnight, of course, it’s one step forward.
Sending so much love, Kat.
I know the past week or so has been especially hard, but I’m very happy to read that you have been allowing yourself to feel what you feel and have not been pushing yourself to get over it. Time will pass and you will move on from this moment, but everything you feel is valid and should be valued.
You’ve been on my mind, Kat. And the truth (as you know and I know but that doesn’t make it easy) is that there’s no way around the hard times, we have to go through them to get past them. Sitting with our feelings is HARD. But it helps even when we think it’s awful.
Hard times are so rough. It’s good to have friends, good to have poetry…and sometimes when time stands still it can almost be like a meditation. Relax and go with the flow.
Staying with sadness is hard but as others have commented, its the way to get through and let the loss become part of your life. Time standing still – there is something I will ponder for awhile. Yes to poetry. For a few months now, I’ve been reading several poems in the evening before I reach for my current read. Take good care.
Hugs.
I must read more poetry again. I’ve fallen out of the habit.
I read your news whilst I was away, and my heart cried for you. Totally agree that your should just allow yourself to be Not Fine for once. Maybe the heat is forcing you to just grieve and sit.
I totally recall those long hot day of childhood summers. Fortunately for me my wonderful friend J and and could easily while away a day.. we played draughts endlessly and all these years later I am still pretty good at the game, and we read..taking ourselves to the local castle, finding a shady nook and just reading.