Greetings Fellow Word Guru’s!
I have written this post “earlier” (last week) as I am in Erie on vacation right now. April… our fourth month with our word and hopefully we are finding our feet firmly on the path with our word. Or, are you like me, struggling a bit this month? Either place is absolutely okay! If you’d like to share, you will find the link up at the bottom of this post!
Holding space is an act that is at once totally present and totally invisible… — Harrison Owen
There is a fine line for me about blogging… a duel between being real and crossing over to being too real.
And so the above quote fits my life perfectly this month as I am working through some health struggles I am struggling to stay present with myself and doing so “invisibly” for all intents and purposes.
And, sadly, it does not make for great blog fodder.
But one thing I found incredibly interesting was the idea of holding space for myself! I am sure I don’t need to tell you that most women are not good at doing this. We put ourselves last every day. Our focus is on everyone around us and if we have any time left, we might feel guilty about using it for ourselves.
FYI this tendency does not go away when your kids are grown and on their own! I am admitting here how uncomfortable it is to hold space for myself… to be focused on what is best for me first.
So, come along with me as I share with you my struggles with giving myself some extra space this month.
I decided after visiting the third doctor last month that I needed to take to heart their thoughts on slowing down. Pre-Frankie I spent a good bit of uninterrupted time most mornings practicing a “loose” meditation. Loose being the key component. I struggled with the eyes shut, focused on your breathing, being quiet kind of meditation. My meditation focused on writing some in my journal, reading some poetry… all with my eyes open and my focus was on what I was doing. Frankie has gotten a bit better about the length of time he can “be still” but me? Well, that is still a work in progress!
But I realized that in order to slow down, I needed to, you know, actually slow down. So I have been doing some focused, eyes closed, think about breaths in and breaths out meditation. Whew, even with a guided meditation those times during 7-10 minutes feel like an eternity! And I am not sure I am achieving a “zen-like” calm, but I am going to stay the course.
I also have “rewatched” the Suzan Colón’s medKNITation class several times. Suzan’s voice is the most soothing thing on the planet… I have also started reading her book, MedKNITation, slowly. I am doing some knitting while I allow her to direct my focus so I am doing something, but right now it feels a bit “calmer” that my struggle with other types of meditation.
Is this a “sudden” fix? No… or perhaps the better response is… not yet. But I am persevering… and giving myself the space to find comfort in the process.
I see the idea of holding space for myself to be an ongoing “project” for myself this year. I think this is the foundation of Yutori… “the conscious act of slowing down…” and I am going to keep at it until it feels natural.
Thanks for joining me today as we support each other as we work through our year! I will be back here next Monday, May 5th!
As always, if you wrote a post to share please leave your link below and thank you!
I know exactly what you mean about putting ourselves last — and those of us who are mothers are especially guilty of this because usually we’re caring for others and doing all the other “stuff” too before we even think of ourselves. But it’s so important to carve out that self-care time. I hope you can think of some times when you can squeeze in more slowing down; I’ve found that slow, deliberate breathing before bed is great for calming, especially when my thoughts won’t slow down.
I try to meditate as best as I can. For me, exercising helps me feel like I’m slowing down as well as journalling. Have fun on your vacation!!
Great post Kat! I agree that many of us (perhaps all of us) put ourselves last…even when our kids are grown and adults. Hoping your vacation is going well (no snow, please) and that you are relaxing. Lately I have found myself getting better at just slowing down and savoring moments as they come. Helping to care for Iris has taught me this!
It’s interesting how so many of us know exactly what what you are talking about. I don’t know if it was the time we were raised, or just the fact that we are women, but it becomes so easy to put others first. Later on, when others can take care of themselves, we have trouble slowing down and putting ourselves first, even sometimes, but I really think it’s necessary. I think you’ve really hit on something by viewing holding space for yourself as a longer-term project.
Your post calls to mind an interview I just listened to with Courtney Carver, on her new book, Gentle: Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want. (Thank you, Juliann!) I have ‘t read the book b/c I don’t have it in my hands yet, but your post makes me feel like you were IN that conversation.
I hope you’re all enjoying every bit of your Erie time. I’ll be thinking you Wednesday when I’m walking at PI with my Fairview friend!
It is so hard to slow down and be gentle with ourselves. I admire your persistence with the process. I also understand about the fine line in blogging. I hope your time in Erie brings some needed relaxation.
As a very (very) long-time “meditator” my advice is to remember that . . . meditation is a PRACTICE. Even the most experienced meditation folks are still . . . PRACTICING. You don’t have to get it “right.” The benefit is the practice! XO
I’ve been meditating for years and feeling zen-like or calm doesn’t have to be the goal. It’s the noticing when your mind wanders and then gently bringing your attention back to your breath that matters. Just keep doing that over and over.
I think the answer to slowing down and taking time out is so hard, but I find sitting in the garden and closing my eyes really helps. So much easier to sit still and just breathe. Hope the trip away has done some good too.