Greetings fellow OLW friends and welcome to the June update! I hope that all of you had a most amazing month as you contemplated your word and you will find the link up at the bottom of this post!
Little did I know when I began June and my “plan” for Yutori this month how vital that would all be as I end the month. So come along with me as I circle back to more deeply examine the idea of external and internal space… and trying to hold both in some sort of balance.
By taking up space, standing up for ourselves, and reassessing a future with crystal-clear perspectives, we gain clarity and make room for self-care, well-being, and joy. — Erik Pevernagie
Strangely, joy quotes kept showing up for me this month and little did I know that by month’s end how vital saving all those bits of joy would be. As if the external space knew something I was yet to perceive…
I spent much of the month doing physical self care of myself… PT and Pilates topping the list. I also spent a good bit of time weeding in my garden beds… thank you Spring Rains for the weed boom! For those of you who don’t garden, weeding is great physical work and I worked up a good sweat each time I tackled those weeds! Pulling those weeds is also a great way to relieve stress and it is a great frustration buster as well!
I closed out the month taking a challenging class on Continental Knitting (which is not my method of knitting!) Three hours of challenging my brain and my hands to try new and very unfamiliar things! I am sharing my samples… the grey sample I knit in my “usual” manner of knitting and the fuchsia sample all done with Continental knitting. The knit stitches were not as troublesome as those blasted purls!
Grey swatch… roughly 2 hours of knitting time. Swatch perfection… my knits and my purls are the same size! Ribbing doing that ribbing thing nicely! Fuchsia swatch… roughly 3 hours of knitting time and lots of “rowing out” especially when I began stockinette! And that ribbing… well, as you can see it is not ribbing much but this swatch does get the award for basically laying flat pre-soaking!
I am amazed at the stark differences in my samples which were knit on the same needle and the yarn is the same gauge! Good reminders that trying new things has a purpose… it stretches you… it makes you reassess things… and those perspectives are a good thing to keep in focus as the month closes out.
Why? Well, while PT was highly successful in one way… it seems the problem I am still having is not being caused by something PT can fix. This news was, quite honestly, devastating. I believed it was all going “to plan” and suddenly I found myself having to reassess… and my perspective is not so crystal clear right now. But I can see how vastly different the “swatch” of life before is from the “swatch” I am learning now. But here is what I am reminding myself of… it is still my life! I am still taking up the same space as before. I am not standing up alone (as the physician reminded me of when we met last week) and, while this hurdle was not one I planned for… I am still here!
And then on Friday, came the best boon of all… in Krista Tippet’s summer series, it was the week of Joanna Macy… somehow the external space knew exactly when to deliver this bit of wisdom. Of course, Rilke sent me a lifeline… giving me the mantra I would need to go forward and that is how I will close this month out. I have heard and read this poem dozens of times before and it never really struck me until I heard it on Friday morning when it became clear exactly why my beloved Rilke wrote it…and as I let his words wash over me, it very much feels like he is speaking directly to me… giving me a bit of light on the path ahead.
Let This Darkness Be a Bell Tower
by Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows
Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,
what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.
In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.
And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.
Sonnets to Orpheus II, 29
You can hear Joanna read it here.
I welcome you to leave your June update at the link up below. I am eager to see how your month went for you!
That poem is so perfect and, I imagine, such a source of strength to you! I know it is discouraging that PT didn’t solve the problem, but you have a very wise perspective in seeing that you now have more information that you did not have before. I hope July brings more answers.
(And I’m with you on continental purling — it’s so much more awkward and slow for me!)
What a beautiful poem. I particularly like “I flow.” As you know, I took that same class. Your sample is much better than mine which has been ripped out! I’ve been practicing, but my fingers are just not behaving the way they should. LOL. I’m sorry that PT did not bring the anticipated/hoped for results, but as Sarah so wisely said, you have a great perspective. Here’s hoping you get some answers soon.
I CAN knit contintental style . . . and I actually do it anytime I do colorwork (I took a class from Lorilee WAY back in Grand Rapids on two-handed colorwork, which forced me to practice continental), but I’m just like . . . WHY? Or at least when I’m just knitting with one color. I am 66 years old and I’ve been knitting in my slow “throw” style since I was 8. It may not be fast. It may not be efficient. But it IS relaxing, and I don’t have to think about it when I do it. So there. 😉
(Your samples look really good, Kat.)
I am praying you find the treatment that works and quickly! How nice you have a doctor who is helping you along the way.
I am sending all the good juju and healthy thoughts that you can figure out the issue. I wish PT had worked. I’m going to PT for my hips and back and I think it’s making things worse. I could hardly walk on Friday and it’s taken m e two days to recover. I cancelled PT for tomorrow and I’ll see how I feel later in the week, but physical therapists don’t want to admit that it can’t fix everything. Your samples are quite interesting and good for you for teaching yourself and your brain new things. And thanks for the poem; it’s one I will read and return to often.
It’s funny, I have always felt like such a loner because I knit Continental. My grandma taught me, and she was the only knitter in my life. She was from Belgium, and that was how she learned when she was little… so, that was that. My kids knit English, and it’s so confusing to me — I tried but quickly set it down. Good for you for trying something new— especially when the method that is familiar is one you can do with your eyes closed! I suspect that my stitches would be more even if I knitted English. But I’m probably not going to change now.
I was really sorry to read that. The current hurdle is not something that can be fixed with PT. I know how devastating that feels, especially when you feel like you are on an upward trajectory. Keep going; your phenomenal attitude will serve you well.
I learned to knit Continental from my German grandmother when I was about 8 years old and I would have a very hard time knitting English style! I’m sorry that PT didn’t give you the results you hoped for and I hope you will find answers soon. Thank you for sharing that lovely poem!
I am glad to hear you have a doctor who is supporting you as you work through this medical issue. It is frustrating when PT and/or less invasive approaches don’t correct issues. You are still you and you can make informed choices. I’m sending all the good thoughts and prayers. My grandmother taught me to knit by throwing. When I wanted to try colorwork I discovered that I really enjoyed knitting Continental style and haven’t looked back. It is good to challenge ourselves to learn new things so kudos to you.