The “January Thaw” has been more like the “January Revolving Door” in my neighborhood… wintery-mix-rain-repeat. Proof of this weird weather is evident with this: I have Snowdrops that with 5 minutes of sunshine will likely bloom today (I will be watching to get a photo!) and the chives are coming up in my garden. Apparently they are the Harbingers of No Winter Here!
But it’s been a week… at least for me, and of course… I have thoughts!
Remembering —
David Crosby, still. Yes, there was a tear or ten shed. I really liked him… and had newfound love for him because of his tweets. My all time favorite album, Wind on the Water, contains my all time favorite song: Carry Me. It is hope that he is now reunited with his mother and they are singing together. If you want to spend a little time reminiscing with his music… you will find 10 excellent songs here.
Irritate, Inflame, Irk —
As in what every doctor should try not to do with any patient…ever! Yes, it has been a few days since I visited “the new doctor” and I am happy to say that I have moved past the tears, depression, and anger rage phases. (Although, it took a minute, some incredibly supportive texts from a dear friend, and a new gnome to move past it all…) I begin today with a game plan… which may or may not include said physician. But I wanted to take a minute to talk about being your own best health care advocate because let’s face it… I think there are WAY more physicians like the one I saw on Monday and very few like my much loved and often longed for physician from Holland! I am saying this as a reminder to myself because I am a great advocate for others, but somehow don’t feel that I am worthy of the same treatment. The best advice I got in my Days of Moping was this… remember the doctor works for you! I have been approaching “finding a physician” similarly to how I felt about Dr. DePree in Holland… there was a camaraderie between us. We had children the same age, who went to school together, we served on committees together, we occasionally bumped into each other socially. In short, I have been wanting to find a physician that I liked… and who liked me as well. Silly me… this person works for me, he or she does not have to like me. But they do have to treat me with respect, they have to listen (more than they talk), and yes… I can demand that they not look at me and pull out their canned speech for “aging, fat, women” of diet, drink more water, and exercise. I should have stopped him in the midst of this diatribe, but I was hurt and stunned that this was even happening. He never asked me what I like to be called, he never used my name… once. But… as I said at the beginning of this… I have a game plan to move forward. I had about eleventy billion vials of blood drawn this morning and when those results are back, I am going to make another appointment with the Nurse Practitioner and I will talk with her about my hip pain issues (and perhaps even my blood test results, lol) and if that turns out to be as epic a fail as the physicians appointment… then I will be back at square one, finding a new physician. But maybe, just maybe… I will find that the NP will be as lovely as Dr. DePree is and find that this office will work just fine (and never, ever see that damned doctor again! LOL)
Finding —
My way with my new word. It has had some hiccups… because, of course it has, right? But in the midst of wondering why on earth I picked this word… I have had at least one thing happen each day that reinforces this word. The best one this week was a poem read by the new host of The Slowdown. (You can listen to Major Jackson share his thoughts and read the poem here) I wrote these lines from Paul Laurence Dunbar’s poem The Mask in my journal:
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
Finally Finished —
Yesterday I had a BIG FINISH! I spun all the yarn the “Great Sweater Spin” and yesterday I gave it a nice spa treatment, a good bit of thwacking, and then hung up all my skeins to dry. And the yarn turned out beautifully! So beautifully!
One big ‘ole pile of yarn!
This afternoon my plan is to wind up one of the “smaller skeins” and start swatching to find a fabric I like. Once I have done that, I will pick a pattern… which absolutely is the best way to knit a sweater. Find a yarn you like, knit with said yarn to find the fabric you like, measure the gauge of that swatch and then find a pattern that matches your gauge!
And with that, I say… Let The Weekend Begin! See you all back here on Monday with my Bumpy Start with my Word update! Happy Weekend all!
Brings the dreaded long awaited doctors appointment.
Yes, I am a bit nervous. A new doctor. A new office. A new system…although if the pre-check in text that I got on Friday is a hint, it might be easier!
AND… 20 minutes before my appointment I will get another text with a link to click when I am in the building. Perhaps there is less to be nervous about that I thought… but then, last night, I dreamed that the office was filled with a very C3PO-like staff. Creepy. Very creepy.
Anyways, I am expecting a score of tests and perhaps an idea or two for something “different” to do (not take) for my painful left hip, and Saturday I got my “annual mammogram reminder” so yeah… all.the.things!
After the doctor visit, I am heading to the grocery store… which is conveniently located near my new doctor…a place that is a Bot-Free Shopping Zone! Haha!
See you all back here on Wednesday with some Unraveling!
Out of the mountain of despair, a stone of hope. — MLK Jr.
I have long been a fan of Martin Luther King Jr. and I loved his “I have a dream” speech… and have watched it dozens and dozens of times. It provides the most “cherry picked” quotes by the GOP and I am sure that you will hear their favored line quoted loud and long today. I am pretty sure that Dr. King would point out their lack of understanding… because he had a quote for that as well:
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
This weekend I have spent time pondering what Dr. King would think of the status of the world today and I think he might agree that the more things change, the more they stay the same. We might not have lynchings today but what we have might be even worse…police killings (in a sickening number… The WaPo has been tracking police shootings since 2015. I am gifting this link to the data so you can all look at it, if you’d like – I know, it’s a lot for a Monday morning.)
One person’s name was glaringly absent from the 40 persons who have been killed by police in January… yes, that is in the 15 days of this month… shocking, I know. However, this data does not contain the name of the young teacher and father who flagged down police for help… Keenan Anderson. Why not? Well… the police did not shoot him, they tazed him to death.
This weekend, I have been thinking much about Mr. Anderson, Dr. King, and the 8,124 people who have been killed by the police since 2015 and it all feels like the most overwhelming mountain of despair…
But what about that stone of hope?
I believe, perhaps as Dr. King did… that all of us are those stones of hope….
A daunting task? Yes, absolutely. But together… all those stones of hope eventually make a mountain of hope, no?
And, in case you need a starting point, a bit of guidance… Mr. Anderson’s cousin has written an excellent book to get you on your way!
This morning started a “normal” week with Steve back at the office! Which means my normal routine is being resumed, which makes me very happy. Granted, it will be a short-lived celebration because he has next Monday off. Sigh.
Anyways, I have a good-sized list of to-do’s (because of course I do!) BUT!
I also have a reward list to inspire me to plow through those to-do’s. Perhaps I can set a bit of a record with the cleaning portion of that list… and thankfully the Cleaning Police never come to check all the corners! Hahaha.
I hope your Monday has lots of rewards! I will see you all back here on Wednesday!
Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmastime. ― Laura Ingalls Wilder
Today, I hope to do a bit of what Halfpint so nobly encourages us to do… but perhaps a bit less reverently, ha! So let’s get RIFFing!
Read (poetry) —
I heard this poem this week and have not stopped thinking about it. A good poem will do that… linger, niggle, inch into your thoughts. Kay Ryan is one of those poets… her work lingers…wonderfully.
Crib
by Kay Ryan
From the Greek for woven or plaited,
which quickly translated
to basket. Whence the verb crib, which meant “to filch”
under cover of wicker
anything–some liquor,
a cutlet.
For we want to make off
with things that are not
our own. There is a pleasure
theft brings, a vitality
to the home.
Cribbed objects or answers
keep their guilty shimmer
forever, have you noticed?
Yet religions downplay this.
Note, for instance, in our
annual rehearsals of innocence,
the substitution of manger for crib—
as if we ever deserved that baby,
or thought we did.
Michelle Obama knit us all together with the image that she posted on IG this week of a sweater she knit for a baby. This wondrous thing we do, that causes us to oooh and aaah over the things other makers knit. We understand… knitting is not quick and so we lift each other up. It is one of the best parts of this community.
For those of you who enjoyed Knives Out (I did for a variety of reasons!) there is a new mystery dropping today on Netflix… Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery. More Daniel Craig over the holiday weekend? Yes, please! Hahaha
Festivus —
That’s right… today is Festivus! What is that you might ask? Perhaps this can explain it all better…
And with that… Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us! I will see you back here on Monday!
I hope your holidays, however you celebrate them, are overflowing with every good thing!
I don’t know about any of you, but the Holiday Blues are definitely a thing… at least for me they are. My expectations have often been the trigger for those blues… as in my expectations are HIGH and reality never quite hits that level.
Today, I am giving myself permission to be imperfect.
Today, I am reminding myself that “not enough” might actually be “more than enough.”
Today, I am reminding myself that pausing for some impromptu deep breathing helps diffuse the feelings, the thoughts, the frustrations.
Today, I am simply going to love my perfectly imperfect self and I am going to say it out loud so I can hear it… inside and out!
Be gentle with yourselves… yes to that extra cup of coffee or tea! And a double yes to just one more row!
This week is for all those extras… and more! See you all back here on Wednesday!
